I saw a new therapist this week - S. So much more helpful than anyone else I've ever seen before. There is much in favour of someone who has suffered an E.D. themselves helping others. There are things that they just 'get'. For me the moment of connection came when S said 'part of the disorder is an ambivalence, a reluctance to getting better. It's not necessarily a matter of an unwillingness.'
She pointed out to me that I find it hard to externalise the eating disorder and seem to not be able to treat it as a mental illness, but feel that it is a part of me, a part of me that is a huge failure. My homework for this week is to write two letters. One to my eating disorder the friend, with all the reasons to continue as I am and one to my eating disorder the enemy, addressing all the things it has taken away from me.
It's like a pro/con list of recovery in a different form. Will let you know how I go.
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It's true, there is often quite an ambivalence in recovery. It's a push/pull kind of thing. I'm glad this new T. helped you see that.
ReplyDeleteThe letter writing can be very helpful to distinguish yourself from the ED one. Let us know how it goes.
Thanks Tiptoe.
ReplyDeleteWas quite helpful - I think the thing that surprised me the most was how angry I got - I've lost so much to this dreaded disease.